I like to believe that we all have an ability to "sense" when someone is "The One". We have a formula of certain stimuli that, when fused together, creates the person with whom we will share the rest of our lives with. Also, I feel we have a somewhat "psychic" connection with that person, and how that person will be in the future. I think some of these instances are explained with examples in statements such as "When I met him/her, I just knew" or "love at first sight/conversation" or "just the mere exposure to the aura of the person makes your heart jump and your breath take."
Even though these statements are ridiculously cliche, over-used, and flat-out lame. I have reason to believe the facts that perpetuate their usage.
While laying in my bed this morning, while procrastinating from starting my long morning, I had an image sail into my senses. I could see myself in a bed with polished, hardwood walls surrounding it. The bed was incredibly comfortable and I was looking at a male figure with glasses on and a book in his hand. I had an overwhelming feeling of ease and liberation while hearing his voice, so comforting. So soothing. He wasn't really talking about something important. Just talking casually, probably about whatever he was reading.
I was completely immersed in his words, listening to every syllable, entirely interested. I could feel the warm, genuine smile on my face as I watched him through this futuristic, dreamsicle lense.
Years ago, I named my soulmate Simon. Later on in high school, I named him Shinnosuke. Now, a few months ago, I've been calling him Lorizio. Different name. Same entity.
This was a daydream I felt that I was experiencing as a premonition of the future that awaited me later in my life. I was seeing Lorizio a few years after we've met, together, and happy.
I have the feeling that I already know who he is, and what he wants to be. I think Lorizio is an artist, maybe a painter. He comes from a supportive family and has close ties with them. He's incredibly patient, is great with kids, and likes to smile alot. He's shy when you first meet him, but later he warms up. He's also in a lifelong search to feed his brain and learn as much as he can.
It's a random, unsupported, ineffable knowledge that I've seemed to acquire over the years. With visions and emotions such as these, that I feel only in small instances, help my flailing optimism when it comes to finding someone to share my life with. I believe this metaphysical phenomena exists in all of us and that we should try to listen to the voices of our souls calling out for its partner.
***
Ok that was SO corny lol. But I wanted to just put my personal testimony out there and see if I'm the only one who experiences this. (in that case, I'm a schizo LOL) Hope to get some comments! I'll see you guys next blog!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The Lacking Labyrinth
I'm sitting here (procrastinating from doing my homework) watching the one musical I actually like: Across the Universe. The topic of this blog derives from the couple of Jude and Lucy. If you never watched this movie (I'ma need you to work on that LOL) I'll explain the characters now:
Jude is an artist/painter that is living as an illegal immigrant in America.
Lucy is a high school graduate working for the anti-war movement against the Vietnam War.
Those were very minute descriptions of these characters but the point is the both of them aren't contemporary examples of the typical walk of life.
In America, for the most part, our lives are pretty much pre-determined. From birth we are conditioned to
My own personal wishes are to
Jude is an artist/painter that is living as an illegal immigrant in America.
Lucy is a high school graduate working for the anti-war movement against the Vietnam War.
Those were very minute descriptions of these characters but the point is the both of them aren't contemporary examples of the typical walk of life.
In America, for the most part, our lives are pretty much pre-determined. From birth we are conditioned to
- go to school
- get good grades
- go to college
- graduate
- get married to someone of the opposite sex
- live in a house with a spouse and kids
- work a 9-5 job
- raising your kids with religious values and set them out to repeat the cycle.
My own personal wishes are to
- live alone in a one bedroom apartment with a american shorthair tabby cat with another man.
- Never reproduce.
- Work as an author and a journalist. Which is not in any way a 9-5 job.
Ideally, I would imagine the love of my life to have a creative occupation such as mine. I see myself with someone similar to Jude, a painter with perceptions and values that are different than that of the typical American. I have the daydream of waking up on a Saturday afternoon in a studio apartment with a cat meowing in the background. I look up to the window where the sunbeams are shining onto an easel, where a man, wearing nothing but a smock shirt that stopped just short of posterior, is standing; a thing of beauty. He paints a portrait of the city outside the window. I lay my head on the pillow, satisfied at the scenery.
I think there is a vast liberation in the rebellion against the norm of customary living. In my present condition, I have no choice but to live a life that's different......and it suits me just fine. Living a life that is run on my own personal values and beliefs leaves so many possibilities for leading a fulfilling life. So many opportunities await me that lay outside the realm of this predetermined blueprint that most of us are forced to assimilate with.
What's so great about this "independent" way of life that I'm speaking of isn't independent to people like me. It's obvious to me that living outside of this blueprint is possible for everyone. The way a person lives should be one that is voluntary and without pressure, and definitely not one that should be frowned upon because it doesn't fall under the category of "Traditional".
I wish American blueprints were as open-ended as it claims to be. I wish there'd be an appreciation of all walks of life, and the labels of traditional or practical didn't exist. I won't use this blog entry to preach rebellion or frown on practical lives, but merely to not live a life that's done out of necessity or assimilation. Someone once said that "Whatever passion a person has, there is a way to use that passion to make a living." And I'll live by this quote everyday.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Jumping off cliffs into the abyss of Yugure....
There is a certain fellow that I am very much interested in dating. For privacy issues, let's call him Tom. Now me and Tom have a considerable amount of properties in common. We share an interest in a broad range of music, reading literature, playing video games, asian culture, amongst other things. I like Tom, and am hoping that he likes me too.
Tom is a reserved being, he likes to keep many things to himself. So much so that a fair amount of the qualtities and interests that I've discovered and laid out for you readers, did not come into my knowledge under the circumstance of Tom verbally professing these interests to me but merely due to my ability to recollect every word he's spoken to another in close physical proximity to me. Others, however, have been personally disclosed to me by Tom himself.
Despite our similarities, there are, evidently, properties that drive us apart. One of the greatest barriers is his aforementioned reserved countenance, which makes it difficult for me to get close to him even on a friend level. Despite the long conversations we have I feel as if he is holding back from being entirely honest and open with me. This plays alot into a certain group of people who do not have an interest in getting close to me: Closeted Homosexuals.
Realistically, this is only a blog entry filled with only words and the typical reader who has not met Tom nor I would, in fact, believe that a case of wishful thinking is at play. Whether or not this is true to the reader is up to the reader. But, in fact, I firmly believe that Tom is a closeted homosexual. In my own defense, I am not the only the person who believes this is true. Many of Tom's friends do believe that he is a closeted homosexual and that he has not reached the level of comfort in either himself or society or both to adopt the identity.
Back in my days in the closet, I found solace in watching gay-oriented films in secret, one of which was Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss, who starred Sean Hayes, the actor famous for portraying Jack McFarland on the sitcom Will & Grace. In this movie, Hayes' character found himself in a situation similar to mine. He'd found himself to have feelings toward someone with whom he felt no real friendship with, whose character is played by Brad Rowe. While confiding in one of his friends, his friends tells him of the possibilities of what can come out this most recent uprising feelings regarding the subject of Hayes' affection. I don't remember Rowe's character's name so let's just say "Brad Rowe" in these following bullets.
1. Brad Rowe is gay, and attracted to you.
2. Brad is gay and not attracted to you and you are merely projecting.
3. Brad is straight, not attracted to you and you are merely projecting.
These above bullets apply heavily to my present situation. Despite my gut feeling that Tom belongs to my group of people I can't honestly say that a portion of this deduction isn't fueled or affected by my desire for it to be true.
Last night, me and Tom were having one of our many what I now like to call "small talk conversations". These conversations entail speaking of topics that revolve around small talk or miniscule, innocuous shared interests that aren't put into depth (at least not by Tom anyway). During many of these conversations, I attempt to allude to the fact (which by now should have slithered somewhere into Tom's thoughts) that I have the desire to ask him out on a date and ultimately, have a mutual romantic relationship with him. While engaging in this somewhat cryptic scheme to profess my feelings without having to consciously a thought flew into my head:
What if Tom asked me if I wanted to ask him out?
Surely, the question would immediately put me into a state of panic, and at first I will have no knowledge as to how to handle it. I asked my good friend Michelle what to do if the dreaded question was ever asked and she said that in her experience, it was good to take risks. Her exact words were: "If u never took a chance at anything you'd never get anything accomplished."
I don't know if I believe this statement to be true, for I know of many cases in which I, or someone I know, had taken a risk and resulted with falling on my face in failure. Yet, the rare, but still existing, fruit that is enjoyed when a risk is returned in one's favor is that of a refreshing, confidence-building nature that is enough to make most skeptics believe in miracles. My personal stance is, like most people, wondering whether the leap is worth what is waiting for me if I fail or succeed. Of course, it would be considerably easier to make a leap off of a building if one knows that there is a net waiting below them if they fail to reach the neighboring building. Everyone wants a safety net included in all their decisions. Masochists aside, no one likes to get hurt.
So with all these things in mind, what do you think I should do in regards to the Tom situation? Should I ask him out? Should I not? Should I wait out the long, tortue of small talk conversations until I've finally put a hole in his walls and get him to trust me? Do you believe that closeted homosexuals are of a dead end nature and that I forget about him altogether?
Opinions and personal testimonies are highly recommended. Thank you for reading and i'll cya next blog!
Tom is a reserved being, he likes to keep many things to himself. So much so that a fair amount of the qualtities and interests that I've discovered and laid out for you readers, did not come into my knowledge under the circumstance of Tom verbally professing these interests to me but merely due to my ability to recollect every word he's spoken to another in close physical proximity to me. Others, however, have been personally disclosed to me by Tom himself.
Despite our similarities, there are, evidently, properties that drive us apart. One of the greatest barriers is his aforementioned reserved countenance, which makes it difficult for me to get close to him even on a friend level. Despite the long conversations we have I feel as if he is holding back from being entirely honest and open with me. This plays alot into a certain group of people who do not have an interest in getting close to me: Closeted Homosexuals.
Realistically, this is only a blog entry filled with only words and the typical reader who has not met Tom nor I would, in fact, believe that a case of wishful thinking is at play. Whether or not this is true to the reader is up to the reader. But, in fact, I firmly believe that Tom is a closeted homosexual. In my own defense, I am not the only the person who believes this is true. Many of Tom's friends do believe that he is a closeted homosexual and that he has not reached the level of comfort in either himself or society or both to adopt the identity.
Back in my days in the closet, I found solace in watching gay-oriented films in secret, one of which was Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss, who starred Sean Hayes, the actor famous for portraying Jack McFarland on the sitcom Will & Grace. In this movie, Hayes' character found himself in a situation similar to mine. He'd found himself to have feelings toward someone with whom he felt no real friendship with, whose character is played by Brad Rowe. While confiding in one of his friends, his friends tells him of the possibilities of what can come out this most recent uprising feelings regarding the subject of Hayes' affection. I don't remember Rowe's character's name so let's just say "Brad Rowe" in these following bullets.
1. Brad Rowe is gay, and attracted to you.
2. Brad is gay and not attracted to you and you are merely projecting.
3. Brad is straight, not attracted to you and you are merely projecting.
These above bullets apply heavily to my present situation. Despite my gut feeling that Tom belongs to my group of people I can't honestly say that a portion of this deduction isn't fueled or affected by my desire for it to be true.
Last night, me and Tom were having one of our many what I now like to call "small talk conversations". These conversations entail speaking of topics that revolve around small talk or miniscule, innocuous shared interests that aren't put into depth (at least not by Tom anyway). During many of these conversations, I attempt to allude to the fact (which by now should have slithered somewhere into Tom's thoughts) that I have the desire to ask him out on a date and ultimately, have a mutual romantic relationship with him. While engaging in this somewhat cryptic scheme to profess my feelings without having to consciously a thought flew into my head:
What if Tom asked me if I wanted to ask him out?
Surely, the question would immediately put me into a state of panic, and at first I will have no knowledge as to how to handle it. I asked my good friend Michelle what to do if the dreaded question was ever asked and she said that in her experience, it was good to take risks. Her exact words were: "If u never took a chance at anything you'd never get anything accomplished."
I don't know if I believe this statement to be true, for I know of many cases in which I, or someone I know, had taken a risk and resulted with falling on my face in failure. Yet, the rare, but still existing, fruit that is enjoyed when a risk is returned in one's favor is that of a refreshing, confidence-building nature that is enough to make most skeptics believe in miracles. My personal stance is, like most people, wondering whether the leap is worth what is waiting for me if I fail or succeed. Of course, it would be considerably easier to make a leap off of a building if one knows that there is a net waiting below them if they fail to reach the neighboring building. Everyone wants a safety net included in all their decisions. Masochists aside, no one likes to get hurt.
So with all these things in mind, what do you think I should do in regards to the Tom situation? Should I ask him out? Should I not? Should I wait out the long, tortue of small talk conversations until I've finally put a hole in his walls and get him to trust me? Do you believe that closeted homosexuals are of a dead end nature and that I forget about him altogether?
Opinions and personal testimonies are highly recommended. Thank you for reading and i'll cya next blog!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Peering over the ledge at Odin's Pond...
Yesterday, while working, a dizzy spell took me by surprise. It was the first of my life. It reminded of how in the movies, people always start going through dizzy spells before they learn they're suffering from a lethal disease or have cancer etc. I didn't think much of it. Didn't try to rationalize it by "I must be sleepy" or "I must be dehydrated". Like I mentioned, I was working, so I went on about my day.
It happened again today.
I'm gonna tell my mom about it later on tonight, but, being the very open and honest person that I am, I told my friends about it via text messaging. I half-thought that if I passed out sometime before my mom found out there could be some record of me being aware of the conditions leading up to the tragedy.
I'm naturally inclined that it's nothing but still, my friends, the blessings that they are, naturally, are worried. In particular, my friend Michelle is pleading that I see a doctor. I plan on honoring her wishes. I began to think about the possibilities, if, by some inverse of a miracle, I was suffering of a fatal disease and, ultimately, died: What would happen to those I left behind?
I'm not an atheist, so I obviously don't think that when I'm dead I'll just be dead. I believe in the Summerland, which is, to be put in general terms, the Wiccan version of what Christians call Heaven. In the Summerland, I would wonder what I'm wondering now.
For the most part, I am not a very egotistical person. I'm not the type to want to leave a burden on those souls that I've touched while living. I've told my close friends this wish if anything were to happen to me: I want to be remembered, not mourned.
Needless to say, none of my friends believe for any amount of measured time, that within the first days of my death, they will believe "Courtney is in a better place, he's in a place of eternal bliss. I should be happy for where he is and not where he is not." I can honestly say that if the roles were switched, I would be the same.
But here is a thought that I need to express:
What is it that makes someone mourn?
Surely it is just merely the blatant, irreversible refusal of a superficial desire to have a certain entity in their presence, in this case, a person. If I was mourning the loss of a close friend, the main component of my lugubrious state would be the fact that I will never spend my time on Earth with this person ever again. It is, in fact, a natural response, but, ironically, I wouldn't want such an experience to be inflicted on those who I leave behind after my departure.
Aside from this selfish mourning, what other qualities are there to be feared or disliked with the arrival of death? What else is it, beyond our own selfishness, is there to be reason to think ill of death? Religiously, it is the passing to somewhere beyond what our eyes can perceive, presumably a place that is free of earthly stresses and tragedies, as infantile and naive as that may seem. Nevertheless, it is believed, so what is there to be sad about?
Personally, if I died now, having missed out on all the experiences I had planned on having (i.e. buying my first apartment, having my first boyfriend, raising a cat, being a published novelist), I would be somewhat disappointed. Aside from this, I wouldn't want to invoke a metaphorical chain around the everyday decisons of my loved ones by this fact. I would want this failure to fulfill goals on my end to fuel their drive to continue, not extinguish it.
I don't feel as if we, as limited creatures, should fear or disdain death. There isn't anything to fear. Death is something that leaves more for us to discover. Surely, the afterlife should be more interesting to us than the lives we lead on Earth.
***
In reality, we deal with death on a regular basis, mostly with the killing of other animals such as insects, and in the eating of meat. Ironically we think nothing of it.
That's pretty much the thoughts that fave floated from my mind onto this page. Feel free to leave your comments...ummm. wherever you comment on people's blogs LOL ^_^
Completely off of topic but here's a list of some of the songs that I was listening to while writing this (theyre all gothic-derived genre bands) :
Hyperfast by Lacuna Coil
Stars by Lacuna Coil
Dream Bliss by Tearwave
Good Girl by Hungry Lucy
Exodus by Evanescence
Nemo by Nightwish
Check summuv these bands out and download these songs!
"Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore...Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay." - Jojo in 2007's Across the Universe, portrayed by Martin Luther McCoy.
It happened again today.
I'm gonna tell my mom about it later on tonight, but, being the very open and honest person that I am, I told my friends about it via text messaging. I half-thought that if I passed out sometime before my mom found out there could be some record of me being aware of the conditions leading up to the tragedy.
I'm naturally inclined that it's nothing but still, my friends, the blessings that they are, naturally, are worried. In particular, my friend Michelle is pleading that I see a doctor. I plan on honoring her wishes. I began to think about the possibilities, if, by some inverse of a miracle, I was suffering of a fatal disease and, ultimately, died: What would happen to those I left behind?
I'm not an atheist, so I obviously don't think that when I'm dead I'll just be dead. I believe in the Summerland, which is, to be put in general terms, the Wiccan version of what Christians call Heaven. In the Summerland, I would wonder what I'm wondering now.
For the most part, I am not a very egotistical person. I'm not the type to want to leave a burden on those souls that I've touched while living. I've told my close friends this wish if anything were to happen to me: I want to be remembered, not mourned.
Needless to say, none of my friends believe for any amount of measured time, that within the first days of my death, they will believe "Courtney is in a better place, he's in a place of eternal bliss. I should be happy for where he is and not where he is not." I can honestly say that if the roles were switched, I would be the same.
But here is a thought that I need to express:
What is it that makes someone mourn?
Surely it is just merely the blatant, irreversible refusal of a superficial desire to have a certain entity in their presence, in this case, a person. If I was mourning the loss of a close friend, the main component of my lugubrious state would be the fact that I will never spend my time on Earth with this person ever again. It is, in fact, a natural response, but, ironically, I wouldn't want such an experience to be inflicted on those who I leave behind after my departure.
Aside from this selfish mourning, what other qualities are there to be feared or disliked with the arrival of death? What else is it, beyond our own selfishness, is there to be reason to think ill of death? Religiously, it is the passing to somewhere beyond what our eyes can perceive, presumably a place that is free of earthly stresses and tragedies, as infantile and naive as that may seem. Nevertheless, it is believed, so what is there to be sad about?
Personally, if I died now, having missed out on all the experiences I had planned on having (i.e. buying my first apartment, having my first boyfriend, raising a cat, being a published novelist), I would be somewhat disappointed. Aside from this, I wouldn't want to invoke a metaphorical chain around the everyday decisons of my loved ones by this fact. I would want this failure to fulfill goals on my end to fuel their drive to continue, not extinguish it.
I don't feel as if we, as limited creatures, should fear or disdain death. There isn't anything to fear. Death is something that leaves more for us to discover. Surely, the afterlife should be more interesting to us than the lives we lead on Earth.
***
In reality, we deal with death on a regular basis, mostly with the killing of other animals such as insects, and in the eating of meat. Ironically we think nothing of it.
That's pretty much the thoughts that fave floated from my mind onto this page. Feel free to leave your comments...ummm. wherever you comment on people's blogs LOL ^_^
Completely off of topic but here's a list of some of the songs that I was listening to while writing this (theyre all gothic-derived genre bands) :
Hyperfast by Lacuna Coil
Stars by Lacuna Coil
Dream Bliss by Tearwave
Good Girl by Hungry Lucy
Exodus by Evanescence
Nemo by Nightwish
Check summuv these bands out and download these songs!
"Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore...Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay." - Jojo in 2007's Across the Universe, portrayed by Martin Luther McCoy.
Friday, September 25, 2009
The Origin of the Sirkian People
Last night, I composed a playlist for my good friend Kris as a just because gift. As a sporadic ritual, I make mixed CDs for my loved ones, mostly my close friends as a token of my appreciation of their company. They ALWAYS consist of songs that I am certain they have never heard before and are composed to have a "random, yet flowing appeal".
So, true to form, I composed a CD for Kris. I love to be creative at any given opportunity so I decided to rearrange the letters of his name and turn into a race of "Kris incarnations" or The Sirkian people.
I'm a writer so I began to think, "What would the culture and origin of the Sirkian People?"
Of course, this fictional, yet based off of nonfictional persons and events, group of people would have the qualities that belong to my friend Kris. So here's what my mind produced:
The Sirkian People was born of a small group of Pilgrim children who ventured off into the forests of the colonial Midwest. The found themselves imprisoned by their lack of direction in the wilderness. Without any desire to die amongst the rocks, they decided to live their lives outside of the rigid traditionalism of the pilgrims. The children changed their names and soon forgot of the life they had before venturing into the forest.
One night, the Sirkian boys and girls joined hands, looked to the stars peering from the tall oak branches, and asked for Jesus to have them stay young forever. After hearing their prayers, Jesus had the stars fall to the praying children. Instead of burning them, the stars fused into the skins of the children, marking them with immortality. Jesus then told them, that even thought their bodies would still grow, their hearts and mind will remain innocent and unaffected by any of the harsh realities of Earth.
By the time the boys and girls bodies had matured into adults, they began to call themselves the Sirkian People. They practiced a form of utilitarianistic, chivalrous culture that thrived on the happiness of your fellow man. The doctrine was summed up in the words "If I have it, you have it" spoken by the Sirkian Pioneer, Douglas Obenna.
So to this day, the Sirkian people still leave peacefully in the midwest. Eternally young and fortifying their charities towards others...
***
That was pretty long-winded to be just a short story that, in itself, is a tangent off of a playlist I made for my friend Kris. LOL :)
If any of you wanted to know the playlist. Here it is:
1. Sweet Ticket by Kanon Wakeshima
2. Dreams Come True by S.E.S
3. Hey Girl by Dongbangshinki
4. A.S.A.P by Utada Hikaru
5. Polaris by Kangta
6. Vanishing by A Perfect Circle
7. Drive My Soul by Lights
8. So Close by Evanescence
9. Dark Carnival
10. My Beloved by Hungry Lucy
Thanx for reading!
Cya next blog!
So, true to form, I composed a CD for Kris. I love to be creative at any given opportunity so I decided to rearrange the letters of his name and turn into a race of "Kris incarnations" or The Sirkian people.
I'm a writer so I began to think, "What would the culture and origin of the Sirkian People?"
Of course, this fictional, yet based off of nonfictional persons and events, group of people would have the qualities that belong to my friend Kris. So here's what my mind produced:
The Sirkian People was born of a small group of Pilgrim children who ventured off into the forests of the colonial Midwest. The found themselves imprisoned by their lack of direction in the wilderness. Without any desire to die amongst the rocks, they decided to live their lives outside of the rigid traditionalism of the pilgrims. The children changed their names and soon forgot of the life they had before venturing into the forest.
One night, the Sirkian boys and girls joined hands, looked to the stars peering from the tall oak branches, and asked for Jesus to have them stay young forever. After hearing their prayers, Jesus had the stars fall to the praying children. Instead of burning them, the stars fused into the skins of the children, marking them with immortality. Jesus then told them, that even thought their bodies would still grow, their hearts and mind will remain innocent and unaffected by any of the harsh realities of Earth.
By the time the boys and girls bodies had matured into adults, they began to call themselves the Sirkian People. They practiced a form of utilitarianistic, chivalrous culture that thrived on the happiness of your fellow man. The doctrine was summed up in the words "If I have it, you have it" spoken by the Sirkian Pioneer, Douglas Obenna.
So to this day, the Sirkian people still leave peacefully in the midwest. Eternally young and fortifying their charities towards others...
***
That was pretty long-winded to be just a short story that, in itself, is a tangent off of a playlist I made for my friend Kris. LOL :)
If any of you wanted to know the playlist. Here it is:
1. Sweet Ticket by Kanon Wakeshima
2. Dreams Come True by S.E.S
3. Hey Girl by Dongbangshinki
4. A.S.A.P by Utada Hikaru
5. Polaris by Kangta
6. Vanishing by A Perfect Circle
7. Drive My Soul by Lights
8. So Close by Evanescence
9. Dark Carnival
10. My Beloved by Hungry Lucy
Thanx for reading!
Cya next blog!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Hello there! Wanna talk?
First blog on blogger. Finally the writer gets to write. Well, hello there. My name is Courtney. I'm a college student. My kinda sorta sophomore (credits you know) year starts this coming september. I'm kinda happy about it but for now I'm gonna enjoy my time off working and hanging out with my friends when I can and reading books, listening to music, and WRITING.
Hopefully this will be the first of many blog entries that I'll have on the internet for the viewing pleasure of others.
I think I'll start off with stating the reasons behind the reason why I wanted to start blogging. Well for starters, I like to express myself, and it is only so many opportunities that one can have to express themselves (artistically, sartorially or what have you)
But today especially I've had a craving for intelligent conversation. I made a profile on a chat room for gay college students in the hope of finding some stimulating conversation, but it was an epic bust. and that was only an hour ago. I'll probli never go back to that site again. *sighs* Waste of a profile...
To backtrack a little, my friends have been MIA lately. We've all been makin plans to meet up and do stuff but the plans always seem to conflict with the plans that I have already set up (aka my work schedule). So, I haven't been able to see them, thus not getting any sort of conversation intelligent or otherwise.
Today, there is something I wanted to talk about. Right before I made this blog I'd thought about this. And it is the meat of what I want this particular entry to be centered around.
I was thinking about my friends and their plans. Among the exclamations where things such as "I'll bring my wii!" and "Who's bringing what?" and "Let's do this!" It made me think alotta about the things that people do in order to pass the time under the guise of "spending time".
Honestly, I just wanna lay somewhere with my friends and just talk. About anything and everything. Just pure. raw. unsaturated. conversation. I think there is just a tad too much things to distract us from connecting with one another in this sense. One of the favorite things I love to do is have a stimulating conversation with someone. A conversation about the things I'm interested in, passionate about and bask in. I love it even more because of the rareness I have of it. I don't experience this very often.
In addition, I feel as if I don't have as diverse of opinions that I want. I don't have any really close gay male friends. I have a lot of straight female friends, and a few straight male friends, and lesbians, but the group of the gay males eludes me.
Stimulating conversation with another gay male thats around my age would be of a green pasture that I have yet to have the fortune of crossing paths with. I don't necessarily like the label of "gay male" associated with friends and conversation. Seems dehumanizing and limited in my opinion. What I mean is that I want that certain opinion, because that opinion, in reality, may be the opinion attached to a person that I relate greatly to.
I think there is a even greater recession of heart to heart talks unaided by technology or wat have you than there is an economic one. I miss it dearly, and hopefully this blog will help or at least be a stepping stone towards helping find the stimulation that I crave.
Hopefully I'll make of these! Stay tuned!
Hopefully this will be the first of many blog entries that I'll have on the internet for the viewing pleasure of others.
I think I'll start off with stating the reasons behind the reason why I wanted to start blogging. Well for starters, I like to express myself, and it is only so many opportunities that one can have to express themselves (artistically, sartorially or what have you)
But today especially I've had a craving for intelligent conversation. I made a profile on a chat room for gay college students in the hope of finding some stimulating conversation, but it was an epic bust. and that was only an hour ago. I'll probli never go back to that site again. *sighs* Waste of a profile...
To backtrack a little, my friends have been MIA lately. We've all been makin plans to meet up and do stuff but the plans always seem to conflict with the plans that I have already set up (aka my work schedule). So, I haven't been able to see them, thus not getting any sort of conversation intelligent or otherwise.
Today, there is something I wanted to talk about. Right before I made this blog I'd thought about this. And it is the meat of what I want this particular entry to be centered around.
I was thinking about my friends and their plans. Among the exclamations where things such as "I'll bring my wii!" and "Who's bringing what?" and "Let's do this!" It made me think alotta about the things that people do in order to pass the time under the guise of "spending time".
Honestly, I just wanna lay somewhere with my friends and just talk. About anything and everything. Just pure. raw. unsaturated. conversation. I think there is just a tad too much things to distract us from connecting with one another in this sense. One of the favorite things I love to do is have a stimulating conversation with someone. A conversation about the things I'm interested in, passionate about and bask in. I love it even more because of the rareness I have of it. I don't experience this very often.
In addition, I feel as if I don't have as diverse of opinions that I want. I don't have any really close gay male friends. I have a lot of straight female friends, and a few straight male friends, and lesbians, but the group of the gay males eludes me.
Stimulating conversation with another gay male thats around my age would be of a green pasture that I have yet to have the fortune of crossing paths with. I don't necessarily like the label of "gay male" associated with friends and conversation. Seems dehumanizing and limited in my opinion. What I mean is that I want that certain opinion, because that opinion, in reality, may be the opinion attached to a person that I relate greatly to.
I think there is a even greater recession of heart to heart talks unaided by technology or wat have you than there is an economic one. I miss it dearly, and hopefully this blog will help or at least be a stepping stone towards helping find the stimulation that I crave.
Hopefully I'll make of these! Stay tuned!
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