Jumping off cliffs into the abyss of Yugure....

There is a certain fellow that I am very much interested in dating. For privacy issues, let's call him Tom. Now me and Tom have a considerable amount of properties in common. We share an interest in a broad range of music, reading literature, playing video games, asian culture, amongst other things. I like Tom, and am hoping that he likes me too.

Tom is a reserved being, he likes to keep many things to himself. So much so that a fair amount of the qualtities and interests that I've discovered and laid out for you readers, did not come into my knowledge under the circumstance of Tom verbally professing these interests to me but merely due to my ability to recollect every word he's spoken to another in close physical proximity to me. Others, however, have been personally disclosed to me by Tom himself.

Despite our similarities, there are, evidently, properties that drive us apart. One of the greatest barriers is his aforementioned reserved countenance, which makes it difficult for me to get close to him even on a friend level. Despite the long conversations we have I feel as if he is holding back from being entirely honest and open with me. This plays alot into a certain group of people who do not have an interest in getting close to me: Closeted Homosexuals.

Realistically, this is only a blog entry filled with only words and the typical reader who has not met Tom nor I would, in fact, believe that a case of wishful thinking is at play. Whether or not this is true to the reader is up to the reader. But, in fact, I firmly believe that Tom is a closeted homosexual. In my own defense, I am not the only the person who believes this is true. Many of Tom's friends do believe that he is a closeted homosexual and that he has not reached the level of comfort in either himself or society or both to adopt the identity.

Back in my days in the closet, I found solace in watching gay-oriented films in secret, one of which was Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss, who starred Sean Hayes, the actor famous for portraying Jack McFarland on the sitcom Will & Grace. In this movie, Hayes' character found himself in a situation similar to mine. He'd found himself to have feelings toward someone with whom he felt no real friendship with, whose character is played by Brad Rowe. While confiding in one of his friends, his friends tells him of the possibilities of what can come out this most recent uprising feelings regarding the subject of Hayes' affection. I don't remember Rowe's character's name so let's just say "Brad Rowe" in these following bullets.

1. Brad Rowe is gay, and attracted to you.
2. Brad is gay and not attracted to you and you are merely projecting.
3. Brad is straight, not attracted to you and you are merely projecting.

These above bullets apply heavily to my present situation. Despite my gut feeling that Tom belongs to my group of people I can't honestly say that a portion of this deduction isn't fueled or affected by my desire for it to be true.

Last night, me and Tom were having one of our many what I now like to call "small talk conversations". These conversations entail speaking of topics that revolve around small talk or miniscule, innocuous shared interests that aren't put into depth (at least not by Tom anyway). During many of these conversations, I attempt to allude to the fact (which by now should have slithered somewhere into Tom's thoughts) that I have the desire to ask him out on a date and ultimately, have a mutual romantic relationship with him. While engaging in this somewhat cryptic scheme to profess my feelings without having to consciously a thought flew into my head:

What if Tom asked me if I wanted to ask him out?

Surely, the question would immediately put me into a state of panic, and at first I will have no knowledge as to how to handle it. I asked my good friend Michelle what to do if the dreaded question was ever asked and she said that in her experience, it was good to take risks. Her exact words were: "If u never took a chance at anything you'd never get anything accomplished."

I don't know if I believe this statement to be true, for I know of many cases in which I, or someone I know, had taken a risk and resulted with falling on my face in failure. Yet, the rare, but still existing, fruit that is enjoyed when a risk is returned in one's favor is that of a refreshing, confidence-building nature that is enough to make most skeptics believe in miracles. My personal stance is, like most people, wondering whether the leap is worth what is waiting for me if I fail or succeed. Of course, it would be considerably easier to make a leap off of a building if one knows that there is a net waiting below them if they fail to reach the neighboring building. Everyone wants a safety net included in all their decisions. Masochists aside, no one likes to get hurt.

So with all these things in mind, what do you think I should do in regards to the Tom situation? Should I ask him out? Should I not? Should I wait out the long, tortue of small talk conversations until I've finally put a hole in his walls and get him to trust me? Do you believe that closeted homosexuals are of a dead end nature and that I forget about him altogether?

Opinions and personal testimonies are highly recommended. Thank you for reading and i'll cya next blog!